By Rob Donaldson (San Diego, California) Mar 16 | Stop flaunting it for God's sake. Don't push it in our faces. Why do you feel compelled to go around telling people about it? Can't you just keep it quiet? Stop being so pushy.
How am I being pushy? What compulsive advertising are you talking about?
Well, you're always bringing it up, always talking about it. We don't go around constantly talking about how we're straight. Why do you have to constantly remind us you're gay?
Ah, how am I doing that?
You're always talking about your gay friends and their boyfriends. It's like you're on some sort of crusade or something. We don't want to hear about it. It makes us really uncomfortable. Don't you have any concern for other people's feelings? Why is it always about you? So just drop it and tell us what your plans are for Thanksgiving.
Well, ah, we were going to come for the family dinner just like we do normally. It's always nice to visit up there.
Wait a minute. Are you going to see your gay friends again while you're here like you did last time?
Maybe, I suppose so. Everybody likes to visit friends.
See, there you go again. You just won't drop it, will you. We love you but we don't approve of your lifestyle choices and we wish you wouldn't keep bringing them up. Now, we're going to have a packed house here so better arrive early if you want to stake out a bedroom, you know there'll be lots of family here, lots of kids, lots of friends. When was the last time you saw your Aunt Katie and Uncle John? Did you know their oldest daughter is pregnant with twins? Isn't that great? And your cousin Jeremy is coming back from his mission soon and his girlfriend is still waiting for him. Katie's already started on wedding plans, isn't that exciting?
Yeah, it's all wonderful. I'm really happy for them.
Now, remember, everybody brings something for Thanksgiving dinner. What can you do this time?
Well, a friend of mine runs a restaurant in Pacific Beach, he gave me the recipe for an amazing spinach & quinoa salad with blue cheese infusion & shredded chicken, how's that sound?
Your friend is a chef? Wait, I'll bet he's one of your gay friends, right? Why do you keep harping on that part of your life when we've told you we don't want to hear about it? Please stop advertising that you're gay all the time! Now, remember, there's a baby shower for your cousin Melissa the day after Thanksgiving. Their fifth boy, can you believe it? Such a miracle baby, after the rough pregnancy she had. So you have to be there, all right?
OK. I've never been to a baby shower, I guess I should bring a gift? What would be good?
Well, thank goodness it's a boy, that way you won't have to bring anything pink. And nothing with rainbows either, okay? Just a blue blanket would probably be fine. Remember, we've had enough of your pushing all that gay stuff on us all the time. So don't try to steal the spotlight during the baby shower either. Just stay quiet.
Okay, I wouldn't really know what to say at a baby shower anyway. You said this was their fifth boy, he's got four older brothers already well-stocked with trucks and toy guns and blue blankets?
That's right.
And this little boy's parents, they're both left-handed, right?
Well mercy me, you're right. Isn't that funny. Why do you ask?
Oh, no reason. I just thought a pink blanket might be a nice contrast with all that blue . . .
Rob Donaldson is a new guest columnist for Brody's Notes & Scribbles. By day he works as a technology lawyer for at least one company that others would recognize and tries to keep up with his kids. By night he blogs at scrumcentral.blogspot.com and pretends to practice his German by watching Christian & Olli clips on Youtube.
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