By Bart Vogelzang | VANCOUVER ISLAND, B.C., CANADA -- Like others, I’ve heard the term “horse whisperer” before, referring to someone who can talk to horses to calm them down, and get them to behave properly and appropriately. More recently, I’ve also watched the show, The Dog Whisperer*, in which dog behaviors are analyzed in their family setting, and advice is given that allows the dog’s behavior to be more acceptable.
In each case, the previous behavior of the animals was very objectionable, sometimes to the point of abhorrence in specific ways. Sometimes they are just miserable grouches, snapping and snarling and being difficult to have around, all the way to attacking violently, causing actual bodily harm to all around them, from other animals to humans. Despite great effort on the part of their owners, nothing seems to have worked at correcting the situations, and the ‘dog whisperer’ is called on to assist.
Two factors seem to be predominant causes for their unacceptable behavior; fear, and dominance confusion.
Unreasonable and unreasoning fear, when there is no real danger, is known as a phobia. The National Geographic Channel show, Phobia* has been eye opening in showing how best to ‘cure’ phobias, using cognitive therapy. Slow introduction of whatever triggers the fear in the phobic, followed by ever increasing exposures, will eventually allow them to realize peaceful mastery over their previously debilitating psychological condition.
Some of these dogs are, quite simply, phobic, and need to be shown, over and over again, that their feared ‘adversary’ need not be feared, and isn’t even an enemy. Once over their angst, and after their snarling is over, they get along wonderfully. Fear is logical and useful if there is danger, but outside of that, fear is something that should be relegated to history.
Homophobes, just like anyone or anything else suffering from needless fear, just need to be shown, over and over again, that there is nothing to fear. They need to be forced to drop their aggressive reactions, and instead calmly accept the reality…that homosexuals are not ‘out to get them’. That is easier said than done, as can be seen when those snarling dogs snap away, when the owner has to ignore their aggression, and faces them with calm determined assertion of their absolute right to be there. No striking back in anger, just steady insistence that the dog must cease to act that way. It works with the dogs. It works with people overcoming their own unreasonable fears…you can see them suffering from it, nearly dying from each exposure to it, then mastering it, and living much more happily because of that success.
Dominance confusion is, in the animal world, a serious problem. The way one animal behaves directly influences how others respond. Even if it is physically large and strong, a confused dog, feeling it’s weakness due to fear, will allow a tiny wisp of a confident dog to dominate it, although the other is 10 times larger. It is not the actuality of their power and strength, but the presentation and perception of them. Unfortunately, people are just as much subject to dominance confusion. A situation can easily be created in which the weak, showing strong body language, dominates the stronger, which exhibits weak language.
Too often, those who have incredible personal psychological and emotional strength will fail to show it, and not only seem weak to others, but even to themselves. Just holding themselves and moving in a way that depicts submission and/or weakness will cause others to pick on them. Moving in a way that shows strength will cause others to behave respectfully. Nelson Mandela can probably provide a good example; his personal strength of character simply doesn’t allow for anyone to be rude to him, even though at his age he could probably be blown over by the slightest breeze.
For all too long, LGBTQ people have been picked on, and many have developed an unfortunate and totally untrue feeling that they are not worthy of any rights. While the mongrels of right wing, and often-religious, bigots stridently snarl that false message, what it needs is for all of us to change our thinking, our outlook, our body language, taking up the posture of the dominant, the deserving, the entitled, so that the snapping dogs can see that they themselves are actually the weak ones.
Hiding in dress that alone demands respect, undeserving clergy depend on haranguing submissive parishioners into support for their quest to re-interpret biblical excerpts to their own advantage. Without that support, their position becomes untenable, and that is what truly scares the hell out of them. The most alone gay youth, faced with nearly overwhelming opposition, is a stronger person than that pulpit pounding preacher spraying the spittle of fear for all to see…if everyone could only realize what it is.
It is time for that gay youth, all youth, all adults, and even geriatric seniors to stand proud, adopt the body language of strength, and without anger, calmly take all our rights under our rightful control.
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