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By Des Rutherford | Adelaide, Australia -- Pre-rapt Divine Events. Two reports so far-
Rapture Report One:
Friday the 13th May was a week ago and according to a report from Daniel Bateman in the The Cairns Post it coincided with the alignment of four planets; Jupiter, Venus, Mercury and Mars.
According to the report, astrologers have said that alignment is not indicative of an apocalypse, but portends of benefits to modern day lovers.
Astrologer, Johnny Fernandez is quoted as saying, “It can bring a lot of creativity, and a lot of expression in the romantic areas, and it represents transformation.”
When we consider this events it is perhaps not surprising that the uneducated primitives would not be able to grasp the astronomical reality that these planets align every 50 -100 years, and were last observed doing so in 1910.
It is not known if this is a contributing factor to the prediction in some Christian cults of an event called, The Rapture on Saturday 21st May.
Report 2:
Now while there seems to be no attempt in the reputable press to assign the tragic events in Turkey as an imminent event preceding The Rapture, there is at least some thought in this columnist's mind that some Christian cultists will be making extra sandwiches for their expected journey come Saturday.
All of which brings me to wonder if any of the cultists will actually stop blaming LGBTQ people for earthquakes, and indeed start thanking us for bringing The Rapture to their attention.
After all most LGBTQ people have been practising sex with an aim of being raptured since puberty. I guess that the cultists will have sex on Saturday for the first time in their lives and that will be for them, quite rapturous.
Further thoughts on the Rapture will appear in my regular column on Sunday, unless of course, I am one of those atheists who mistakenly gets raptured. Anything seems to be possible with these cataclysmic comically cosmic ecclesiastical events.
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