Des Downunder On Sundays

By Des Rutherford, Adelaide, Australia- Telemarketing Marriage Equality

Sometimes I just have to work on the computer, all through the night, and don't get to sleep until morning. This is fine, except for when I must attend an appointment with some bureaucrat at 10am. By the time I get home it is mid afternoon and I collapse on the bed, happy to at last sleep, perchance to dream about the usual prospects in a fantasy of lusting perfection. So what could go wrong? Barely forty minutes of slumber and the telephone ringeth.

Ringeth-ringeth...ring-ring...

I look at the clock, 4.14 pm. I lean across the sheets, and answer the disturbance of my peace.

Me: "Yo!"

I have found this opening in answering the phone discourages telemarketers, causing them to disconnect their call.

silence...

Oh No...I guess my ”Yo,” didn't work this time.

Just as I am about to hang-up a voice says: How are you doing?

Me: How am I doing, what?

Voice: pardon?

Me: You asked me how I am doing, but you didn't say what it was you wanted to know I was doing.

Voice: Doing?

Me: You must say what the doing is. I can't guess. To do or not to do is only the question, the deed is in the doing, but I must know what it is that is being done. Do you want to know how well I do the gardening?

Or do you want to know how well I do the dishes?

Or how well I am doing in bed. I can tell you, I don't get too many complaints, but then again I don't get much chance to be doing anything in bed these days including sleep.

I don't do the garden, by the way.

Voice: er, I being polite.

Me: Hello Polite, I being Des.

Polite: No, no I am Shiram, being polite.

Me: How nice. I am Des being annoyed.

Polite, now being Shiram: I knowing English.

Me: Who told you that?

Shiram: I did learning at school. I speak English. How are you doing?

Me: How am I doing, what?

Shiram: I don't understand.

Me: Admitting you don't understand is the first step to wisdom.

Shiram: This is not going right.

Me: No, I don't suppose it is.

Shiram: I am having speech to say.

Me: I hope it is not the King's speech, you might want to get help before you try the royal speeches.

Shiram: Royal speeches?

Me: Oh no, you aren't going to try to sell me the Royal wedding DVDs are you?

Shiram: Excuse please, I must be making more speech.

Me: Why, is someone else getting married?

Shiram: I am not married.

Me: you're not? Then who is getting married?

Shiram: Why, is anyone marrying?

Me: That's what I say too, why indeed. See I told you, you would get wisdom, all from just admitting you don't understand.

Shiram; Don't understand what?

Me: That I don't like being awakened from a deep sleep by phone calls.

Shiram: Are you sleeping?

Me: Not at the moment.

Shiram: I am confused.

Me: I am tired.

Shiram: I am tiring too.

Me: We should go to bed, we can marry later.

CLICK!

Okay so we never got past the "Yo" but I can fantasize a little, can't I?