Brody's Scribbles... Ethan August's 'This Gay Life' - Dear Al Gore

Former Vice President & Mrs. Al Gore  Photo By Getty Images

By Ethan August (Palo Alto, California) June 4 | 

Dear Al,

I’m having a bad week. First you and Tipper announced you are divorcing and then Rue McClanahan from the Golden Girls died. With Rue gone, I feel adrift in this world and now I’ve become disillusioned about marriage. At this point, I’m almost expecting Jesus to come back for the second time and tell us that “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31) was a typo or incorrect translation.

By all accounts, your marriage was one that every straight and Gay person dreams about. It lasted 40 years, included children, grandchildren, exceptional careers, fame, fortune, mutual affection, support and based on that kiss – awesome sex. Then you say:

"This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together following a process of long and careful consideration.” 

That’s it? It’s over? What in God’s name is there left to get out of a marriage? What happened to “till death do us part”? You’re a Protestant, Baptist, Christian and you’re going to fly in the face of God because you just don’t want to do it anymore? I feel like the proverbial wind just left my sails. After all this, now that you’ve accomplished all the important stuff – you’re going to find someone else for companionship?

I’ll be honest, that kiss at the 2000 Democratic Convention was awesome! For a split second, I was heterosexual. I voted for you even though you supported civil unions and not Gay marriage. Then you issued a video statement in 2008 supporting Gay marriage. Now I’m wondering if maybe your first position was indeed the correct one. In 2000, where you secretly just trying to protect Gays from the inconvenient truth that marriage is a sham and a broken institution?

Albert - I’m starting to worry that maybe my people should be more focused on the civil rights piece of partnership on a federal level and less so on calling it marriage. Why do we want to do something that fails 50% of the time? If a particular car only started 50% of the time, we wouldn’t buy it. Maybe we are in such a rush to establish equality that we’ve failed to notice that marriage as an institution has failed. Or maybe marriage has evolved, and the rigid precepts that once guided it are no longer tenable.

Modern medicine predicts that most people born in civilized countries born after the year 2000 will live to see 100. Eighty years is an eternity to spend with someone who long ago began to fail to captivate your interest. Maybe some straight people need to acknowledge that over the last century, they have begun to adopt our lifestyle and that the idea of a fire and brimstone Old Testament marriage is a farce at best. Our political, religious, and financial leaders - our role models - all seem to regard the ‘sanctity’ of marriage with passing interest at best. Should we be fighting to join them, or should they be fighting to join us? I can’t help but feel like we are lemmings following one another off a cliff at the bottom of which is the same old miserable life straight people have.

I would think that if those religious people wanted to protect marriage, they wouldn’t be preventing us from getting married – they would just make it illegal for anyone to get divorced. We all know their religious arguments defy logic – that’s why we keep winning in the courts. At the end of days, I’ll get to see Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh when God says “Hmmm… I don’t know. You guys were not oppressed and were able to marry, but you threw it away. Then you prevented the Gays from marrying even though they fought desperately for it… who should I favor more?”

Maybe you’ve decided what I’ve decided? Screw marriage! Let us just enact the same federal protections and rights for Gay couples that straight couples have but then just give us a certificate with a blank line on it were we could fill in what we want to call our relationship. I think I’d put civil union on that line, some might put marriage, domestic partnership or butt buddies – who cares? The important thing is that we have the same rights. Could you imagine how easy this we would be if we just removed the word marriage from the whole equation? It would be over and done with. Straight people can keep their failed institution of marriage.

If you find the secret to happiness in your new found freedom, will you let me know? Just please don't tell me that this is some long drawn out coming out process... the only logical conclusion I can come up with is that one of you just wanted to sleep with someone else.

Sincerely,

Ethan August

Palo Alto, California based Writer & Comedian Ethan August, gives his spin on the DADT compromise & current political atmosphere surrounding the ongoing debate in Washington. August holds a degree in Psychology and has volunteered for numerous LGBT non-profits. His blog, This-Gay-Life, features his own comedic and politically incorrect commentary on Gay life, politics, movies and other interesting events. He is working on his first book, a collection of comical short stories on some of the most serious and hilarious Gay issues.