Sunday, August 28, 2011

Des Downunder On Sundays

By Desmond Rutherford | ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA -- Conceptions
Sundays seem to come around with disgusting regularity, and sadly, for me, living in Australia, it comes around even sooner than in America, but then nearly everyone comes around quicker than Americans these days. You’d think that would be a good thing given the state of their religious cults and you'd be right, but it doesn't really help, as I can never seem to get my Sunday sermon finished in time. My best online friend and fellow columnist, Bart Vogelzang, tells me I should be starting the articles much earlier, but I find that the gestation period (for my writing) is about 8 to 9 days, which means that I have to be writing a new piece before I’ve even finished the previous one, and conception is a major problem at my age. When I was sixty years of age, I was asked if I had reached menopause, by a smartass boss. I just told him, I doubted it as I was known for having paused for a lot of men without any problems at all.
Now you have to realize that when I was younger I could actually juggle 'projects,' keeping several ‘aloft’ at the same time, even remembering their names, but now that I’m over the hill, and indeed, in the next valley, I can’t even jiggle one thing without needing to check if my parts are hanging correctly. That’s not really a concern of mine, but Brody gets really bent (even more so than usual) out of shape over it, and Bart is always chomping at the bit ready to go. Not that Bart is a horse, at least not if you listen to how he describes his nether regions, but you might think he is when you see how he gets into a lather over delays in editing. I told him lathering was good if he is shaving, and even useful if he was editing.
Editing is not really a problem, I was edited at birth. It doesn't take all that long, in fact it wasn't that long before it was edited, but I often wonder if anyone would notice if we didn't do any editing. I hear that some people are firmly against editing, but I find that hard to swallow. I have heard that some people have been so loosely edited that they have had to be re-edited to tighten up their works.
As I say, conception is a major problem for me. My husband and I have tried and tried to conceive, but all we have managed to give birth to, is a lot of moanings and groanings. I guess we are both disappointed but satisfied. You'd think after forty years we would have got something happening apart from my activism, but then the husband has always considered me more of a pacifist. Actually we are both pacifists which may explain the pregnant pauses in our pillow talk, and that's about as close to conception as we have got.
Of course I wouldn't want readers to think that my life is filled with attempts to conceive anything other than holey thoughts to share with them on Sundays, or any other days if they are feeling up to it.
These days I am merely downunder on most days, but I do look forward to being up on Sundays.