Brody's Scribbles... “Day of Dialogue” From Focus On The Family Is Not A Jesus-Action

By Kathy Baldock (Reno, Nevada) FEB 25 | “Oh, I must tell the ‘truth in love’ or they may never hear God’s message.” Cringe. “Truth in love” sure gives us Christians the license to do stupid and offensive things. And, the effect, when we do it to people outside (and inside) our faith community, is often more division.

The one group that never seems to escape our “truth telling focus” is the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) community. I actually get quite concerned about any “telling” action used on GLBT people, especially those outside the church.

This may sound entirely heretical to my brethren in the pews. Surely, we must be called by God to tell others that God has a better plan for them, particularly in the issue of their sexuality. And, if we do it kindly, then aren’t we are following the Biblical dictate of “truth in love”?

Not so fast, fellow saint. The verse we lean on for this truth/love license is usually Ephesians 4:15: “Instead, speaking the love in truth, we in all things grow up into Him who is the Head,that is Christ.” Sounds great. Apparently, here is the go-ahead to tell someone that what they are doing is wrong, exactly how they are sinning and what they need to do to correct that situation. Problem is, the verse is used completely out of context. Right doctrine (God does want the best for all) but, wrong text.

Ephesians 4:15 is talking about combating lies in the church body, in the doctrine of the church. It is not addressing personal accountability or personal sin. So, using the “truth in love” angle on a gay person outside the church is not inside the context of this verse. Maybe that is why the “truth in love” tactic is not working? Oops, now what to do?

The default Jesus Action is always a good option: love and serve. We are instructed once in the Bible to love our neighbor and told to love strangers and our enemies twenty six times. Our plan for the most part in the past has been: judge and tell. It has not worked and it does not work. So who would then try to export a very defective, non-Biblical program to Christian youth? Focus on the Family would.

A program has been introduced by Focus on the Family (FOTF) called “Day of Dialogue” set for April 18, 2010. Christian high school and college students are encouraged to engage in dialogues on that day with other students about “what the Bible really says about [God’s] redemptive design for marriage and sexuality.” Day of Dialogue follows the next school day after the Day of Silence. Day of Silence was instituted in 1996 by Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network to give gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered kids a way to demonstrate the silencing they experience at school from harassment, bias and abuse due to their sexual orientation.

Day of Dialogue was called “Day of Truth” until its rebranding this year. The conversation starter cards from FOTF, pictured here, are nicely designed and seem pleasant enough. They seem cheery and non confrontational. If you’re the giver that is. But, it is the same old rehash of the plan-that-does-not-work-and-is-not-Biblical. Plan is, a young Christian person hands a gay person or a gay ally a card that they will in turn read as: “hey, there is something wrong with the way you view your sexuality, attractions and marriage and I want to tell you the truth as me and God see it.” Oh, and it is done in love, of course.

“No, no, that’s not what it says,” you’ll say. “Look ‘God loves you’ is here, right here and it also says we will stand up for those being bullied.” Further pointing, “Right here.” Nice attempt at rebranding, but the message is still an anti-homosexual message and it will do more damage than benefit to GLBT youth and allies.

Focus on the Family says they have instituted both the Day of Dialogue and the TrueTolerance.org programs “to protect and defend the most vulnerable members of our society-children” from the influx of programs “that promote homosexuality to our kids.” What about the most vulnerable members of our society—gay and trans kids? And, there is a whole bunch of word twisting going on in the goals statement. Day of Silence does not promote homosexuality, it is intended to bring awareness to the issues of inequality and bullying in the treatment of GLBT kids.

Some background. Day of Dialogue/ Day of Truth was established in 2005 by the Alliance Defense Fund (established by Bill Bright, Larry Burkett, James Dobson, D. James Kennedy (Coral Ridge Ministries) and Don Wildmon (American Family Association)). The Alliance Defense Fund established the Day of Dialogue/Day of Truth “to counter the promotion of the homosexual agenda and express an opposing viewpoint from a Christian perspective.” Ah, there it is. Day of Dialogue is not about God-loves-me-and-you-and-let’s-talk-about-it.

I actually am not impressed by the niceties tossed into the “Get the Conversation Started” card; this program is anti-gay. Dress it up in pretty colors, give it a snappy logo, hip Facebook page and a cheerful video. The goal is still to tell gay kids there is something wrong with them in the eyes of God and that they need to change. And what about the Christian gay kids in our high schools and colleges? They already have a relationship with this “sexuality-fixing God”. There must be something really wrong with them.

How can I possibly read all this into a chipper little conversation starter? By going to the website of Focus on the Family and Day of Dialogue. According to FOTF, gay/trans kids are broken and can’t live out God’s potential for their lives. Nice message for kids to hear right in the prime years of self-doubt and trying to fit in. What a program to push. Youth hurting youth. Not a good plan. Not a God plan. Not a Jesus action.

Oh, and if you want some “fun tips” according to the Day of Dialogue site, why not “consider inviting a local pastor or youth leader”. Okay, I am all for that. Youth leaders are some of the coolest humans I know. But, it does not end there, “or you could invite someone who has experienced homosexuality and walked out of it to share their story. Exodus International (linked) is a good resource for finding possible speakers in your area.” Wow, that sounds like a perfect day at school to me. Let’s take the kids that are feeling like outcasts, are struggling to understand their sexuality and tell them that they are not living to God’s perfect design because of how they were created. (Believe me, these gay and trans kids have spent more hours trying to figure out their sexuality than Christian kids have spent in churches.) Maybe . . . even have an adult that speaks for God tell them that they need to change to please Him and in order to have full relationship with Him. Do you actually think that kid will feel loved? And, back to the original point of this—the Jesus action in treatment of others is to love and serve not to judge and tell.

I would be all for a Day of Listening, not a Day of Lecturing. The Day of Dialogue is a badly veiled extension of anti-gay sentiments from a conservative family group extended to our Christian youth and unleashed on our GLBT youth. Listening builds relationships but I cannot imagine that FOTF would ever promote a Day of Listening because it would then minimally validate the existence of gay kids as part of God’s design and creation. It would also allow room at the Table for gay Christians kids.

If you are a Christian high school or college student reading this, consider a different tact. Ask questions of the kids you see participate in Day of Silence or, of those that are openly identifying as GLBT or allies. When did they know they were gay, is it tough to deal with the pressures of other kids and family, what is their experience with God/Christians? And, the most important question of all—what can I do for you?

The assumption is that most of the GLBT kids that would be approached are not in faith communities (because we do not welcome them there for the most part.) Remember, there are already plenty of gay kids in church youth groups and they have struggled for years to reconcile faith and orientation (the average age of realizing orientation in 14). Even considering the Day of Dialogue program as an outreach in a youth group will further alienate gay kids in the church. Be respectful enough to understand that they know far more about what it feels like to be gay and Christian than the straight youth and leaders ever will. Ask questions and listen. No lecturing, shut your mouths and listen. That is love. Telling someone the “truth in love” is rife with problems: it is your truth, it will rarely be felt as love and Eph. 4:15, remember, is not about personal sin or accountability. If you must have a go-to verse to tell them about the sin you perceive in their lives, use Galatians 6:1 and focus on the word gently. Then, listen some more. Better yet, focus on your own sin and put some more energy into serving.

And, to Focus on the Family and the Alliance Defense Fund—what the heck are you doing? Asking the Christian youth to do your anti-gay work? There is nothing wrong with sharing faith, but targeting GLBT youth? Sure, you have added a few nice words in the website and conversation cards, but this program is anti-gay, and worse yet, anti-gay youth! Don’t speak out of both sides of your mouth. You can’t both care about “the most vulnerable members of our society-children” and then target the most vulnerable of the vulnerable—the gay kids.

Forget the argument that “we” get to respond to Day of Silence which you say “promotes homosexuality to our kids.” Christians are called to love and serve. Christians are supposed to be the bigger people, not reacting in kind, not the ones, thumb on nose, fingers wiggling and saying “ ne-ner, ne-ner, ne-ner”. Come on, Focus on the Family. The youth today are not like you were; they are more accepting of different kinds of people. And they are more compassionate and loyal in their alliances. Stop giving the youth more reason to not walk in church doors. Let all come unto Him, just as they are, just as you were. The God I serve is big enough to deal with sexual orientation if He wants to. Gosh, He deals with our problems; give Him some credit and stop blocking the Throne.

Plenty of straight, educated, God-loving, Jesus-following, child-bearing and protecting, Bible reading, Spirit-filled Christians (me included) do not think that “family” organizations like Focus on the Family are telling the truth about gay and trans people. I believe gay kids are just as valuable in the eyes of Jesus as straight kids are. I believe they are just as able to have a full and intimate relationship with God as straight kids are. I believe gay kids are not broken and do not need to change their sexual orientation. I believe all kids can benefit positively from the knowledge that God knows them and cares for them. To segment kids out and tell them they have to change their orientation is man’s truth.

Many of us do not translate the five words in Scripture that are written in most translations as “homosexual”. We have Bibles too and we too have gone to the Greek and Hebrew and context and see a complete misuse of God’s Word that damages an entire segment of His creation. If you are concerned about this inappropriate action against GLBT youth and their allies, tell Focus on the Family to stop. Especially is you are a straight Christian parent and ally, let your concerns be heard.

Please, just let Day of Dialogue go away. It is not a Jesus-action on so many levels and it will only bring more pain, more division and more alienation from God. And, it will be done in His holy, loving, merciful Name. Yuck!