By Rob Donaldson (San Diego, California) OCT 2 | The recent rapid-fire of suicides by priceless, gifted, irreplaceable and relentlessly bullied young gay people has jump-started public reflection on why so much homophobia seems so furiously resistant to persuasion toward the kinder, gentler approach many of its practitioners' churches ought to teach. History is no stranger to Christians inflicting incalculable suffering on others in the name of Jesus, so we're seeing just the latest chapter in a long tradition. Many Christian churches seem to indirectly foster such hate and homophobia by their obsessive focus on the sinfulness of same-sex relationships and their fear-mongering that civilization itself is at stake in the fight against The Gays. And many critics of such churches are revving up their demands for such churches to back off, admit their complicity in so many gay suicides, and repent for the damage they've done.
Others have spoken passionately about broader Christian traditions in this respect. And, as usual, the Mormons are in a category of their own. They led the fight for Proposition 8 and their money made its passage possible. To most Prop 8 opponents, the Mormons are just a quirky cult with an unusually virulent strain of homophobia. But the real reasons for that aren't as apparent. In the wake of these recent suicides and calls for Christian churches to back off behavior that fosters such lethal bullying, Mormons are actually stuck in a far more difficult situation than most of their opponents imagine as regards this issue.
Niceness is a cardinal Mormon virtue. Mormons hate, hate, HATE to think of themselves as the bad guys. Within their own theological framework, there is genuine encouragement to be kind and compassionate and forgiving. I've seen this countless times, and some of the most truly Christlike people I've ever met are active Mormons. This focus on being nice, combined with a religious/social worldview that can easily occupy every waking moment, combined to produce much genuine puzzlement and dismay among the rank & file after Prop 8 passed. "Why do they hate us so much" was an honest question for many Mormons, who simply didn't comprehend what life was like outside the Mormon culture and world view. They were simply defending morality; how could they possibly be the bad guys?
But Mormons are stuck, you see, between that genuine desire to be nice & kind, on one hand, and a theology which enshrines heterosexual marriage in a Mormon temple as not only the pinnacle of life's achievement but also an essential, non-negotiable requirement to get into the highest degree of heaven and live with God eternally. If you don't have such a marriage, you ain't gettin' in. There are other tiers in the Mormon heaven, but Mormons all aspire to the top level and treat all other possibilities with a mix of pity and regret. Because everybody is supposed to want--and be able to get to--the top level.
There is no explanation anywhere within Mormon theology for homosexuality. None of the three books of scripture unique to the Mormon canon ever mentions it. Thus, Mormon leaders have relied historically for their condemnations of homosexuality on the same half-dozen oblique and questionable Bible verses the rest of Christianity uses against The Gays.
But with a twist. Mormon church presidents are regarded as living prophets. Thus, to the Mormon faithful, when their church president speaks, it is the same as if God Himself spoke. This belief trumps all other considerations in the Mormon mind. There's an old joke that says the Catholics say the pope is infallible but don't really believe it, and the Mormons say their prophet isn't infalliable but don't really believe it. It's funny, but it's largely true. Even if an active Mormon privately questions something the prophet says, if they can't resolve the quandary they usually end up complying anyway, thinking "well, he's the prophet, he must know something I don't."
So when we combine that attitude of presumed prophetic infallibility with the belief that heterosexual temple marriage is an absolute and indispensable requirement for achieving the only heaven where families can be together forever, it's easily seen why many Mormons are so passionately opposed to homosexuality and marriage equality. It's not just that "the Bible tells me so," which is sufficient justification for other Christians. It's that AND the fact that "the prophet tells me so," AND their view that gay relationships strikes at the very heart of life's ultimate purpose and literally destroys the eternal destiny of Mormon families. And if their society legitimizes those relationships, many Mormons fear their children will be lost to that belief and thus be lost to their parents forever.
That is very powerful stuff.
And that is also why this issue is far more painful for many Mormons than most non-Mormons realize. More and more Mormons are starting to seriously question the actions of their church in the Prop 8 debacle. They see their children, friends, relatives coming out of the closet--active Mormons themselves who've summoned the courage to buck their church's culture and be true to themselves. These brave souls volunteer for the front line on this issue that is so impossibly irreconcilable within current Mormon theology. The ostracism they risk is not just a social thing for this life--it is, to the conservative Mormon mind, volunteering for eternal damnation. Yet many honest, kind, and nice straight Mormons can't, when they think about it, quite accept that God would so condemn their children, friends and relatives on that basis. They are caught between what their hearts whisper and the official orthodoxy of their church's teachings. And official Mormondom does not tolerate cognitive dissonance well, especially when it speaks out.
This has produced the latest flavor of Mormon belief about homosexuality (by my count, this is Version 4 or 5 over the past century): it's okay to be gay but you can't act on it. Shouldn't be surprising that the Mormons and the Catholics synched up to push Prop 8. But this latest band-aid over a gaping doctrinal hole does nothing to resolve the ultimate dilemma: honest Mormon hearts see the impossibly painful contradiction between their theology--which can't explain gay people and whose whole eternal structure is threatened by their existence--and the tears and fears and aching hearts of their gay children and brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers who want only to be able to love the way they believe God meant them to. Heart and head don't match. More and more Mormons are understanding that "be gay but don't act on it" means "give up all hope of happiness." Faced with such dilemmas, as I said before, most Mormons will default to following the prophet because they think that's safest. "He must know something we don't."
But the doubts don't go away. And as best I can tell, the questions among the Mormon rank & file about their church and gay issues are growing. Quietly, at grass-roots levels, but they do seem to be growing. I expect that will continue. Somehow, someday, the gap in Mormon theology has got to be filled. It would be one of the great jokes of American history if Mormon muscle to pass Prop 8 ultimately yielded nationwide constitutional recognition of marriage equality rights, even in Utah, which would thus force the Mormon church itself to accommodate same-sex marriages. Maybe then God will speak to the Mormon prophet and fill in the eternal picture. And maybe then the real purpose for pushing Prop 8 will finally be clear. The irony: priceless.
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11 comments:
So, if the reasoning holds true, a simple decision by the Mormon president, the Prophet, to support homosexual marriage would be enough to change the whole Mormon church?
I don't suppose that's going to happen, but wouldn't any intelligent leader make that choice, to allow everyone to live more happily and lovingly, as united families?
Of course I have no idea how old these presidents are, but if they are like the Pope, senility has probably already precluded clear intelligent thinking and choices being made.
@Trab:
1. Yes. Such a decision by the Mormon president would be enough to change the whole church. The process is a little more complex than that, but that is the gist.
2. They haven't done it because they've had absolute unquestioned confidence that their anti-gay stance is God's will. The most recently deceased Mormon president, Gordon Hinckley, told Larry King in a live interview that he (Mr. Hinckley) knew nothing about homosexuality, didn't understand it. His successor Mr. Monson worked closely with Hinckley for decades and continued Hinckley's policies, most notably for Proposition 8. It's unlikely that men with such perspectives will open their minds to new ones.
3. Mormon church presidents achieve that office by outliving all the others in the group of 14 other Mormon apostles, who are appointed by previous presidents and who serve for life. This translates into a gerontocracy at the top and a guarantee that Mormon church presidents will be at least in their 70's if not their 80's when they reach that position. Most have seemed remarkably vigorous for their ages. But all are the product of decades of conservative orthodox church service and unlikely to suddenly implement sweeping change.
Hi, Brody,
First-time commenter but longtime reader here, who enjoys your blog immensely.
I am one of those non-Mormons impacted directly by the Mormon church's actions, who has taken the time to try to figure out why the church would wage a full-scale war on families like mine, which have no effect whatsoever on their beliefs or practices.
Believe me, LGBTs like me do understand the concept of celestial marriage, and how it is at the heart of Mormon theology. (You couldn't pay me to believe it, but I do understand the concept.)
I also understand that the acknowledgment of homosexuality flies directly in the face of that belief -- and that Mormon parents may fear that more of their own gay children will come out.
(Never mind the implication that they'd rather their children stay in the closet and marry some poor, unsuspecting straight spouse, causing all sorts of problems later. That's another discussion altogether.)
But what no one can explain -- even though you yourself have tried admirably -- is this:
How does my civil marriage to another woman throw a monkey wrench into their plans for celestial marriage?
Seriously: Does the church think that preventing us from marrying is going to stop us from being gay? Turn us straight? Even force us back into the closet?
Of course it doesn't. So what positive gain is there for the church?
I don't expect any anti-equality church to start condoning, endorsing, or performing same-sex marriages just because they're legal, and no church body in its right mind believes it will be forced to -- no matter how much that ugly little lie in drilled into their followers' heads.
But the bottom line is this:
No matter whether I can legally marry the one I love...
- I will always be gay.
- I will always be out.
- I will never be a Mormon.
- I will never interfere with Mormon marriages, or any other practice Mormons hold dear.
- I will always encourage every other LGBT person to be true to who he/she is -- and that includes encouraging gay Mormons to stop living a lie, and dragging straight people down into sham marriages in order to produce a passel of children who are going to suffer when Daddy finally comes out of the closet.
All these things are true, and will always be true, whether or not I am allowed to marry legally.
I have other thoughts about the real reasons for the Mormon church's insistence on interfering with my life (none of which, of course, have anything to do with the church's stated reasons, which I believe are downright lies), but I'll put a cap on this for now, as this comment is getting long, even for a verbose writer like me.
Your thoughts, Brody?
I think, to be honest dear lady, that I am going to let Rob answer your query as he is best suited.
For better or for worse, I am a political reporter so my view points already come tainted... *snicker*
Rob? Care to dive in here?
Warmest Regards,
Brody Levesque
This issue is so difficult for the Mormons because it has so many implications theologically, organizationally, historically, personally.
I don't have a single clear answer for why it matters to the Mormons whether you marry a woman when you aren't Mormon, never will be, and don't believe Mormon teachings. I can only give you my own opinions.
In its early years the Mormon Church aspired to be a political as well as a religious organization. It's backed off those plans for now and claims to stay out of political questions except when they are matters of "morality," but still sees itself as the organization of world government after Jesus Christ returns to earth. This is uncomfortable for many modern Mormons to admit, but it's the truth. I believe that sub-text still informs Mormon decisions on whether and how to get involved in current political questions.
LDS authorities also believe they have the right to try to intervene in politics and influence public policy when they believe their own prerogatives are threatened. Senior apostle Dallin Oaks, a well-known lawyer and judge before appointment as a Mormon apostle, has been railing about alleged loss of religious freedom if the church is forced to deal with same-sex marriage. I and many others disagree with him but his opinion carries great weight in the church and most Mormons will simply accept what he says as true, ex officio. Mormons are very sensitive to any threat to their religious liberty; memories of how polygamy virtually destroyed the church legally in the late 19th century are still fresh.
The Mormon Church also sees itself as the sole repository of legitimate divine authority to administer religious rites which the Church teaches MUST be complied with during this earthly life in order to live with God again. Those who didn't have the chance for that during their lives will have those rites performed for them in Mormon temples by proxy. But the church believes it is far better for someone to accept Mormon teachings and receive those rites for themselves during their lives, because it's also big on individual responsibility and obedient compliance with commandments and rules. So much so that many other Christian churches believe the Mormons preach a false gospel of works and deny the full efficacy of the grace of Christ for salvation.
Personally I believe the church, organizationally, really would prefer to see all gay people single and celibate and lonely rather than breach what the church says are "the rules" for getting into heaven afterward. Even those who aren't Mormon. Because, you see, you'll have another chance to hear and accept the Mormon gospel in the next life when presumably your understanding will be greater. But your choices during your life will still matter. If you married a same-sex spouse, that would be terribly difficult to get past, say the Mormons. So I believe they'd prefer that nobody did that, Mormon or no, in order to maximize the chances for all those people to get a bigger reward later on. I stress that this is my opinion of how many in the church view the issue; I can't point to chapter & verse confirming it. But I believe it's consistent with Mormon theology.
Another reason this issue is so difficult for Mormons. As I said, it exposes a huge hole in Mormon theology, of a kind that can't be filled without a ringing new revelation along the lines of those in the Mormon scripture called Doctrine & Covenants, which consists of over 130 "sections" purporting to be individual revelations, spoken by Jesus Himself, to Joseph Smith (mostly), plus a handful to some of his successors. The most recent of these sections which actually purports to be the voice of God speaking dates to 1847. A handful of sections come afterward but they are written in the individual voice of successive Mormon prophets. The last one dates to 1978 and extends Mormon priesthood to all "worthy males" regardless of ethnicity.
Though LDS senior leaders vigorously insist that "the voice of revelation" is as strong today as ever, many Mormons wonder why the prophetic tradition that exploded with Joseph Smith seems to have petered out long ago. The LDS Church has become a worldwide corporation, run by former businessmen, lawyers, and academics, and they run the church the way they ran their former organizations. Focus groups, consultants, bureaucracy and centralized planning. Risk averse. And proclaiming something as the mind and will of God is about the riskiest thing anyone can do, especially an organization like the Mormon church which is under relentless scrutiny by its enemies. Personally I think all of this has made senior Mormon leadership loathe to say officially, on a scriptural level, that anything is the voice of God anymore. Yet that is precisely what the Mormon church needs to get itself out of its current dilemma as regards homosexuality. A very tough spot indeed.
Hi all,
Rob is amazing as always. I am Mormon and active and believe in the prophet and what he says. At the same time I have the free agency and obligation to come to terms with this issue on my own. My personal revelation tells me that the prophet is ultimately a man and can choose to not take this issue to the Lord. If he would take this to the Lord the outcome would be very different. I'm judging now, but I don't see how he can stand by and see so much hate, prejudice, and the loss of so many great souls either by leaving the church or by committing suicide. Just look how long the church hung on to Brigham Young's prejudice. It took a prophet with courage to take it to the Lord. Unfortunately the prophet is surrounded by ultra conservation fear mongering paranoid Utah Mormons. This political faction have taken the church hostage. To a certain extent it has crept into the guts of the church with correlation curriculum largely based on fear rather than on the celebration of Christianity. Ironicly, Brigham Young and the pioneers were cooperative socialist. I see my mission in attempting to save young Mormons from suicide in this hyper angst dilemma. Mormons really whole heartedly believe that their church is the true church. Faithful LDS gays find themselves extremely conflicted and somewhat less than human and unable to fullfill the basic need of companionship without endangering their place in the eternities. It is so much like the inquisition when one had to hurt themselves in order to prove themselves worthy. As a Practicing Mormon it comes down to loving these individuals unconditionally and giving them a special place among the saints. Convincing them that its ok to fullfill their dreams for God is just and a God of Love. This position does get me in trouble but it compares meager to challenges faced by gays.
Rob,
Thanks for such a thoughtful, considered response. I'll reply in kind a bit later, but I wanted to check in now and let you know I appreciate your thoughts.
I will stop long enough to say that the idea of having "another chance to hear and accept the Mormon gospel in the next life" is one of those things that irritates me to the point of distraction about Mormonism in general -- the arrogance, the condescension, the superiority, the nerve...! It's right up there with baptisms by proxy, and the idea that a 19-year-old kid has the "authority" (or even the life experience) to knock on my door and teach me about God.
I was raised Catholic, and while you can be sure we were taught the RCC was "the one holy and apostolic church," we were also warned never to feel superior about our faith, and instructed merely to pray for those who were still "lost" (except for Jews, of course, who had special dispensation) while allowing our humble service to others serve as a witness to our faith. We were taught never to force our religion on anyone else; since our way was the true way, God would make sure others had the opportunity to come to us.
(And if all that didn't work, and some poor non-Catholic still seemed hellbound, well, we spent a lot of time praying that such folks would be diverted to Purgatory, and eventually go to Heaven. LOL)
Rant off for the moment. :)
Thanks again, Rob -- and I will be back.
Wow, I love your article....so, here's another interesting belief - that mormons still believe that you have to have multiple wives to enter the Celestial Kingdom - even though they don't practice it today...based on the Federal Government who outlawed it a 100 years ago, and so they conviently received a revelation and that's why they stopped. Hardly, if Utah wanted to become a state, they had to give up polygamy. It's what got the Prophet Joesph Smith killed - for preaching that having multiple wives was the only way into the Celestial Kingdom - (it didn't matter to JS that some of the wives he wanted were already married).
I'm an ex-mormon, I went on a mission, I was married in the temple,(my mother and father were not allowed to attend, because they were not active) I'm now divorced, with a daughter, and an out gay man. I am really discusted with the Mormon church and it's leadership. I have never heard such hatred or crap from a leader of the Mormon church. You might as well as put a target on my back. The church is nothing more than a bully in the "school yard". Boyd K. Packer basically made it open season on all gays. When you have bigotted people who claim to be christain, and believe that gays are sinful - BKP just made it ok to go out beat up, if not kill "homosexuals" in the name of God! I mean how many wars have been fought in the name of God. It's sad and shameful that these old, I mean really old senile men, who have prejudices that are centuries old standing at a pulpit (bully pulpit - I should say) spewing such hate, I just don't understand it. What ever happened to "What would Jesus do, if he were here?" I don't think he'd be preaching hatred. Maybe Boyd K. Packard should go and receive his own "revelation">>>> Very Sad!
Rob, thank you. Once again, the force of your intellect and your sense of history come together with your deeply personal feelings to give us all something well worth reading and pondering.
My only point of disagreement is the notion that the church will be forced to accomodate gay marriage. If they have to be forced to do it, it's not an organization worth reforming. But maybe we can get Leonardo DiCaprio to plant an idea in their collective dream state (which they most certainly are in right now) that makes them think the idea of reform was theirs all along. Sadly, only ideas born of fantasy seem to be the best prospects for change in a culture so immersed in fearful groupthink.
On all your other points (in the original post and your comments), very well done indeed.
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