Sunday, September 26, 2010

Brody's Scribbles... The Truth About Men

Joseph Couture is a Canadian based Author and Freelance Journalist. Joseph's blogsite can be found here: [ Link ]

By Joseph Couture (London, Ontario) SEPT 26 | Gentlemen, I’m afraid I have to ask: Is it really so bad and really so hard to admit the truth about what you want? Once upon a time, I dreamed of monogamy, white picket fences and a garden with daffodils and butterflies.
Then one day a brutally honest friend of mine said to me,
 “Forget it honey, men are pigs and gay men are the worst.  If your man isn’t looking for sex with other men, you better check him for a pulse.”
I’ve since learned the truth of this statement.  I’ve also learned how ridiculous trying to fight it is and what a joke denial can turn into.  Listen to a few stories before you dismiss me.
Once a few years ago I was out at the local bar.  There was this one young man loitering about, a university student that I had been eying all night.  After the perfunctory small talk and a few beers, he invited me home.
It turns out that not only did he have a lover, I knew the guy.  
“We can do this,” he told me. “You just have to keep quiet about it.”  
I’m no fool; I agreed and spent the night with the young man 
It was only a couple of weeks later, back at the same bar, back looking for more, that I ran into the guy’s lover.  This time he was home alone and it was the boyfriend who was out of town.
I made small talk with the guy and eventually he invited me to come home with him. 
 “But I’ve got a jealous boyfriend,” he told me, “So we have to be discreet about this.” 
When we got to his apartment, it was kind of fun because he gave me a tour and showed me his art collection and I had to pretend I had never been there before. Once again, I spent the night and was sworn to secrecy.
As fate would have it, not long after this I ran into both of them together at the bar.  We chatted and had a drink or two. Then there was some whispering between the two of them followed by an offer.  They were thinking of a threesome, and would I be interested?
Of course I was interested. Before we left, first the student leaned over and gently said to me,
“Pretend we've never done this before.”  
I promised him I would give an academy award winning performance.  Later, at the apartment, the second guy found a moment to tell me,
 “Remember, this is our first time.” 
By the time the night was over, everyone was happy and they were both blissfully confident they had successfully pulled off their crime. I’ve seen them a number of times since and no one has ever said a word.
My next story is related to me by my buddy who works at the dirty video store.  They have private viewing booths where men go, watch some porn and fool around with each other.
One day I showed up and my friend was a bit frazzled.  
“You won’t believe what just happened,” he said to me. 
Apparently there are these two regular customers who come to the shop on almost a daily basis.  The one guy usually comes during the day, the other at night.  Both of them were well known and it was no secret that they weren’t just watching documentaries alone in those booths.
But it seems one day the two of them happened to show up at the same time and ran into each other. 
 “I’ve never seen such a faggoty cat fight,” my buddy said.  
It seems the two were boyfriends and supposed to be in a monogamous relationship.
“I don’t understand,” my friend laughed, “Each of them was actually morally outraged that the other had cheated on them despite the fact that they were both caught in the act. 
“They both stood there in the middle of the store screaming at each other ‘how could you do this to me.’ I couldn’t believe it,” my friend said. 
I’ve had similar moments of disbelief.  There is this one young man that I used to fool around with at the baths on a fairly regular basis.  Then he got a steady boyfriend and I didn’t see him for a long time 
One day he shows up at the baths in a towel.  I asked him if he was still with the boyfriend and enjoying married life. 
“Actually, I’m loving it,” he said to me. “I’ve found the love of my life.”
Then he asked me to come to his room with him.  An interesting follow up to that last statement I thought.  We get to his room and he pulls out a picture of his boyfriend and shows it to me.

”I was wondering,” he said, “have you ever seen him here at the baths because I’m pretty sure he fools around on me and that’s not the deal.”  I had not seen the man and shook my head no.  “Well, if you do ever see him I want you to call me right away and tell me because that is something I want to know about.”
I assured him that I would most certainly let him know if I caught the unfaithful bastard.  Next thing I know buddy engages in a little infidelity of his own.  All I could do was chuckle to myself.   
One day over coffee I told my friend about this encounter and he just laughed.  “I don’t get the hypocrisy,” he said to me. 
 “Men are not built for monogamy and gay men are the worst of all.  Why can’t people just accept that?”
He explained that he has been with his boyfriend for over 11 years and they have an open relationship.  
“He does what he wants and I do what I want,” he told me. “And we’re totally upfront and honest about it.”
He says that in their view no man is going to be faithful just because you tell him he is supposed to.  If anything, the more taboo you make, the more they want it.  “I’d rather be told the truth and know where I stand at all times than be lied to and happily oblivious,” he told me. 
I asked him if he was worried that his partner would fall in love with someone else.  “If that is going to happen, it will happen no matter what you say or do.  You can’t forbid someone not to fall for another guy.” 
“I just don’t believe in guilt, dishonesty or naiveté,” he added.  “You can’t change the nature of the beast. It’s not the end of the world if your boyfriend gets a blow job. 
“All you can do is chose to be grown up about it and accept the reality of the situation with maturity. Hell, I love a good blow job myself and what’s good for the gander is good for the gander”
This may not be the easiest bit of advice for people to swallow.  But I think the guy has a point.


Desmond Rutherford said...

The problem is not unfaithfulness but jealousy. Jealousy is an immature reaction that can be set aside with experience. Jealousy is just so tiring and unnecessary.

But of course I'm an old hippie, so for me, love is to set the beloved free, (a life-time job in some cases) and if he comes back or stays with you that is okay too.

Love is about liberating, not enslaving.

Trab said...

Of course the #1 point to recognize is that sex and love are two distinct things. If you eliminate sex from the equation, assuming that both parties understand the difference, you only have to deal with love.

Love is not diminished by loving another, but it is the fear of the other partner that love might be reduced that causes the trouble. Call it jealousy, call it lack of self esteem, call it what you will, but it is the fear of loss of love that causes the pain. If that is addressed well, the rest will be a happy couple, threesome, or more.