By Matt Akersten (Auckland, NZ) Nov 20 | LGBT students were the first to try out a new programme for young people in Wellington which is aimed at reducing sexual violence - including coerced sex - and increasing pleasure.
The Youth 2000 report which interviewed 10,000 secondary school students showed that one in three non-heterosexual young people said they had had "unwanted sexual contact" from someone else.
The Youth 2000 report which interviewed 10,000 secondary school students showed that one in three non-heterosexual young people said they had had "unwanted sexual contact" from someone else.
The Wellington Sexual Abuse Network's Sex & Ethicsprogramme addresses how we as queer people negotiate ethical sex - sex both people desire.
Sexual Violence Prevention Co-ordinator Sandra Dickson says she's been working with UniQ groups at Victoria University and Massey, in maybe the first LGBT targeted sexual violence prevention programme in the world.
Sexual Violence Prevention Co-ordinator Sandra Dickson says she's been working with UniQ groups at Victoria University and Massey, in maybe the first LGBT targeted sexual violence prevention programme in the world.
"Most sexual violence prevention has targeted male violence against women, because overwhelmingly that's how most sexual violence happens. But unwanted, pressured sex in the queer community, let alone forced sex or violent assault? It's pretty brave to even start talking about it," she tells GayNZ.com.
Sex & Ethics, written by Australian academic Moira Carmody from the University of Western Sydney, highlights skills which can be useful in sexual decision-making – about the "grey areas" of relating, rather than our bodies and "plumbing", says Dickson, "and it does it in a non-judgmental way."
LGBT EXPERIENCES OF SEX
Ten young LGBT people finished the recent six-week Sex & Ethics programme in Wellington, learning how to use the 'ethical framework' to make decisions about sex.
"This has nothing to do with telling young people how often they can have sex, or who they can have sex with, or even what behaviour they want to try – it is to do with working out how to have mutual, ethical sexual encounters – whether casual or more long-term," Dickson explains. Having a queer only programme was important to explore some of the issues important for the queer community. For example, there is a perceived pressure for young queer men to be always up for sex - so saying 'no' can be really difficult - or the fact that alcohol and drugs are a big part of how young queer people party and hook up, maybe even bigger than for the heterosexual community."
Dickson gives examples from young people she has met:
"One young man wanted to hang out in a gay bar for a drink, but people approached him assuming he was there for sex - it's sad, as he said he just wanted to be in a safe queer space. Another young guy in a local queer bar asked me to mind his drink because some of his friends had had drinks spiked there. I've also heard of one bad situation where someone tried to intervene when a very drunk young man - who could hardly stand - was taken out of a club. Stopping sexual violence in our community – including our queer community – means checking out with other people if they're OK. Helping that drunk person get home safely, instead of being steered away into a cab with someone they've just met."
Sex & Ethics looks at the different values that influence how we think about sex, how we talk about sex and alcohol and drugs, improving non-verbal communication skills, working out what 'ethical consent' looks like, what we do when relationships aren't working for us, and how we help people around us in sexually unsafe situations.
Activities include talking about how we hook-up in a club and know you're both going home for the same kind of sex. Or being in a relationship with someone you really like – but when you have sex it's pretty ordinary – how do you talk about that, improve it, have the great sex we want to be having? It can be tricky saying to someone 'I really like you, but I don't like the way we're having sex'.
"The programme is fun, and the UniQ group had plenty of laughs," says Dickson. "Because actually Sex & Ethics is all about having better sex, sex that looks after you, sex that cares about the other person/people, sex that is mutual. Ethical sex in which it's not even possible to imagine force or pressure being part of the equation."
SEXUAL DECISION-MAKING TIPS
The Sexual Ethics Framework is a tool to help sexual decision-making, says Dickson. Here's a few ideas which may be useful when thinking about your next sexual encounter:
Caring for myself. This means considering my own needs. Am I doing what I really want to do? What is the best and worst thing that can happen if I do this? Have I done something like this before and felt okay or bad afterwards? Am I safe emotionally, physically, does anyone know where I am and who I'm with? How do I know the other person will treat me with respect and concern? Have I thought about safe sex?
Being aware of the other person. Just because I feel or want something doesn't mean I can assume the other person wants it too. They may want to be close, but not necessarily have sex in the way I am imagining it in my mind. I need to know what they are imagining also. I need to be aware that sometimes we start to go along with something and then we are unsure and don't know how to stop. I need to be on the lookout for these signs and take responsibility for getting more information to know if the other person feels okay with what is happening. Am I okay with it too? This involves being aware of non-verbal as well as verbal communication.
Negotiating and 'asking'. This means working out what you BOTH want, not just one person. 'Asking' can be non-verbal as well as verbal. It means being aware of what is going on for yourself and the other person.
Reflection. Consider the situation at the time or afterwards. What am I doing or what did I do or not do, and what was the response? How does who I am in terms of age, gender and culture impact on how I understand things? Is there another way of thinking about what is happening or happened?
UPCOMING PROGRAMMES
The Sex & Ethics sexual violence prevention programme is conducted by the Wellington Sexual Abuse Network, a collaboration of Wellington Rape Crisis, Wellington Sexual Abuse HELP Foundation and WellStop. "We have two years funding from the Ministry of Justice to run eight pilots of Sex & Ethics in New Zealand," says Dickson. "The programme runs weekly for two hours over six weeks. We have just finished the first four pilots – all of which had same and both-sex attracted young people, and one which was just for LGBT."
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment