Brody's Notes... On being young & Gay

 

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By Brody Levesque (Washington DC) Sept 11 | ( Part One in an continuing series.) There has been increased discussion in pubs, bars, dinners, lunches, meetings, blogs, twittering, Facebook Wall posts, newspapers, magazines, and just between folk, about what exactly it means to be LGBT in today's world. There are also rapidly changing perspectives as to how the LGBT community as a whole perceives itself and in turn by the rest of the world. 

A repeated theme in these conversations is the difficulty, at a deeply personal level, of resolving conflicts within oneself. On the one hand the LGBT person has the knowledge of his or her true sexuality. On the other, the considerable pressures and expectations of his or her culture and society. For a considerable number of LGBT people, the repression of self is a reality imposed by the dictates of their environment.  

Recently I have been following a group of dynamic twenty something youth as they are crafting an alternative and more modern approach to being LGBT and “out.” There is a common thread to their stories and discussions, even within the social networking that they perform as part of their daily rituals; fear. Fear of what you ask? More than exposure as LGBT, it is fear of the non-acceptance and the barely disguised bias of society. Most of them are out, but not in a totally “public way.” Illustrating this is an essay from university student Shem Bennett, in Melbourne, Australia, writing about his feelings that he posted on-line:

“If anyone asks? I'm "out". That is to say that my friends know I'm gay. My family (Including most of my extended family) knows that I'm gay. Obviously too, my boyfriend's family knows plus his friends. I'm not afraid to tell new people I meet that I'm gay or have a boyfriend. In fact, everyone I've met through university is aware of this fact. But still, sometimes, I still feel like I've got something to hide.

I get paranoid about holding Ryan's hand in public and when ordering food, I feel like we should pay separately. I don't mind telling friendly acquaintances about my sexuality, but I feel weird around strangers or people I'll only see once. It feels like the details of my relationship and sexuality are too intimate. I know for example, that I won't be refused service in a store if people find out I'm gay and that 99% of the time it'd be safe for us to hold hands during daylight hours in Melbourne. Yet, I still feel that being a couple, with Ryan, is automatically implying all kinds of things about me as a person that I don't want a stranger that I've only met in passing to think. I guess I don't want to be defined publicly as "gay."

Then with friendly acquaintances I also feel like I can't properly "come out" and be myself. Take for example friends I've met through politics. They are people of a classical liberal or libertarian persuasion. They are progressive on issues like gay marriage, or even where they are personally against gay marriage they believe that the government shouldn't regulate morality. They are people I've felt entirely comfortable and safe coming out to, people I've told I'm gay within 10 minutes of conversation. Yet, I find it hard to go any further, to talk about Ryan and my relationship in depth. Or when it comes to peers on campus- to talk about my sex life like they do theirs. They can be open about their heterosexual behaviour and maybe I can about my homosexual behaviour, but I don't feel like I can. I don't mind telling people clinically "I'm gay" or "I have a boyfriend,” that's a political statement really.

Beyond that, on the personal or sexual level, when I actually start talking about my boyfriend, my sex life, my sexuality the fact that I'm gay scares me from saying much.
I wonder if straight people would feel uncomfortable if I was as open with them as they are with me... or maybe I'm just paranoid? I'm scared of homophobia, even though I haven't really had any major traumatic homophobic experiences.

I guess it's gay "shame" that seems to sum up my emotions. I think I'm proud to be gay out but I'm less open than I think I would be were I straight- so I must be a little ashamed, too. I'm generally the type of person that doesn't mind intimacy in public. So why am I scared to show gay intimacy around people I know won't or can't bash my head in? I don't normally care much about the opinions of others and strangers ( I am happy to be socially inappropriate should the mood take me ), but I care about their opinions on this."

In November of 2004, a young Internet author writing under the pseudonym 'Grasshopper,' wrote a brilliant fictional short story that illustrated the difficulties that the “everyman” youth have grappling with being LGBT and even admitting to it to their closest friends, family, or other confidants. Especially after suffering through an episode of bullying or Gay bashing.

Here is an excerpt from his story entitled “What Ya doing in the dumpster?:”

 Over the cheese fries and the Dr. Peppers, we laughed and talked and learned about each other. He didn't even like Metallica; he wore the t-shirts cause he got them cheap. He really liked country music. His mother had died when he was only 5 and he and his dad had had really hard times but they were making it. I tried to tell him stuff about me; my friends and my skateboarding, but he already knew. Zack Raulerson already knew about me. It was funny how we had been in the same town, the same schools, breathing the same air for all these years; me watching him and apparently, him watching me.

"When you asked me yesterday if I was one," I finally said.

His eyes darkened. "Yeah, Billy?"

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I am."

I watched his eyes.

"Remember how I told you I could feel it?" he said quietly.

I nodded my head.

"I can feel it cause it's coming off me too."

"Soooooo, I take that as a maybe yes?"

He grinned, and my heart flipped. "You got that right in one."

As Zack's tail lights dimmed down the street, I wanted to laugh and cry and yell in the middle of the street. I thought again about Eddie's reaction to my being gay and his question.

"But, don't gay guys do 'it' all the time?"

I hadn't even touched Zack. I didn't even know where to begin to touch Zack. Why is it so difficult for people to see that we're all the same? I knew he cared, I can still hear his laughter and see those green eyes full of smiles. We'll have to see what it is we think we've found. For right now, I just want to breath it all in. I don't know why zactly but I feel more like a person; more alive. That's all I need.

"Billy, dinner. What are you doing out there standing in the middle of the street?" my mom called.

"I'm starting my life, Mom. Just smiling and starting my life."

Copyright © 2004 by Jamie, All rights reserved. Used by permission.

In the 21^st century, being LGBT is more than ever being defined by the technology and advances in science. These young people are creatures of the new methods of communications in a world that is consumed by an existence of instantaneous news updates and social networking. Of course one must also factor in the religious implications as these play significant roles in most cultures around the globe.

The successful 1992 campaign of former President Bill Clinton had a very simple but effective theme used by its staffers: “It's the economy stupid!” Rude, a little piquant perhaps, but it struck a chord with the American voting public in the less abrasive version just as the 2008 campaign of President Barack Obama did with its theme broadcasting the need for change. I would say that if the LGBT community needs a theme to endorse and live by, my inclination would be today's youth of the LGBT community who emphasize; “It's NOT about sex!”

The need is still to define oneself as being Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered. The problem is still the best approach how to accomplish that. Yes, times are easing the ability for many to be “out,” yet there is still the grappling over the duality of one's nature because of the artificial pressures and constraints imposed by a world that has not achieved a plurality of equality and acceptance. I say duality because in many cases, there are two faces that LGBT folk present to the world; Public and private, in a guarded fashion because of fear.

The hope I see, is the approach that the twenty somethings are striving for, by being as one writer at theNEWgay.net termed; GAY 2.0:

"Part of what makes TNG, “The New Gay,” is that we try to approach LGBT issues in a new way. We are Gay 2.0 — crews of gay twenty-somethings and their allies, blogging, tweeting, writing, posting, and organizing causes and events on facebook. The employed members of this posse bang away on their keyboards through lunch-hours and weekends, while students and the jobless sit in dorm study rooms and coffee shops creating a new wave of LGBT information like the web has never before seen. We all believe that we are reaching out in a new way, that Gay 2.0 is touching society faster, with a longer reach and with a stronger grasp. That is why we Tweet. Why we write and read sites like TNG."

A final but sobering reflection on the realities that the youth face on being LGBT and why it is an imperative that the elders in all communities both Gay & Straight, parents, elected officials, and those of us in the media, take responsibility to listen and put forth change: 

(From PFLAG)

Still think that people CHOOSE to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered? After reading the following sobering statistics, ask yourself this: What SANE person would CHOOSE to be subjected to all this?!

SUICIDE & DEPRESSION

• Suicide is the leading cause of death among gay and lesbian youth.
  
• Gay and lesbian youth are 2 to 6 times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth.
  
• Over 30% of all reported teen suicides each year are committed by gay and lesbian youth.
  

REJECTION

• 50% of all gay and lesbian youth report that their parents reject them due to their sexual orientation.
  
• 26% of gay and lesbian youth are forced to leave home because of conflicts over their sexual orientation.
  
• In a study of 194 gay and lesbian youth, 25% were verbally abused by parents, and nearly 10% dealt with threatened or actual violence.
  

HOMELESSNESS

• Approximately 40% of homeless youth are identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual.
  
• Service providers estimate that gay, lesbian and bisexual youth make up 20-40% of homeless youth in urban areas.
  
• In a study of male teenagers self-described as gay or bisexual, 27% moved away from home because of conflict with family members over sexual orientation. Almost half had run away from home at least once.
  

SUBSTANCE ABUSE

• Gays and lesbians are at much higher risk than the heterosexual population for alcohol and drug abuse.
  
• Approximately 30% of both the lesbian and gay male populations have problems with alcohol.
  
• Substantially higher proportions of homosexual people use alcohol, marijuana or cocaine than is the case in the general population.
  
• 55% of gay men have had a substance abuse problem sometime in their life.
  

HIGH DROP OUT RATES

• Approximately 28% of gay and lesbian youth drop out of high school because of discomfort (due to verbal and physical abuse) in the school environment.
  
• Gay and lesbian youth’s discomfort stems from fear of name calling and physical harm.
  
• Gay and lesbian youth are at greater risk for school failure than heterosexual children. Academic failure, lack of student involvement and low commitment to school are profound for gay and lesbian youth because schools are neither safe, healthy nor productive places for them to learn.
  

VERBAL & PHYSICAL ASSAULTS

• Teenage students (gay AND straight) say the worst harassment in school is being called ‘gay’.
  
• In a national survey, youth (gay AND straight) described being called “lesbian” or “gay” as the most deeply upsetting form of sexual harassment they experienced.
  
• Gay students hear anti-gay slurs as often as 26 times each day; faculty intervention occurs in only about 3% of those cases.
  
• In Seattle, 34% of students who described themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual reported being the target of anti-gay harassment or violence at school or on the way to or from school, compared to 6% of heterosexual students.
  
• Gay and lesbian youth live, work and attempt to learn in constant fear of physical harm at school.
  
• 27% of gay and lesbian youth have been physically hurt by another student.
  
• In 53 schools in Washington State, 77 incidents of anti-gay harassment and violence have been reported in the past 3 years, with 34 of these incidents (44%) serious enough to warrant possible criminal allegations.
  

LACK OF SUPPORT

• Few administrators discipline students for name-calling and harassment of gay and lesbian students.
  
• Teachers may wish to stop harassment and anti-gay comments, but few have had any specific training which would teach them to intervene effectively and many fear reprisals without the explicit support and backing of their administration.
  
• In Michigan, 28% of school personnel surveyed determined their school environment to be emotionally unsafe for gay and lesbian youth.
  
• Over 50% of national youth servicing organizations report that they do not have services or resources in place to educate youth on sexual orientation or to support gay and lesbian youth.
  

LACK OF ROLE MODELS

• There are very few openly gay staff members or teachers in schools.
  
• The presence of openly gay and/or lesbian staff members is a crucial component of any school program seeking to reduce bigotry and provide support for gay and lesbian students.
  

VICTIMS OF CRIME

• Gays and lesbians are the most frequent victims of hate crimes.
  
• Gays and lesbians are at least 7 times more likely to be crime victims than heterosexual people.
  
• At least 75% of crimes against gays and lesbians are not reported to anyone.
  
• In a study of 5 metropolitan areas (including Boston, Chicago, Minneapolis/St. Paul, New York City, and San Francisco), there were 1,833 [reported) incidents of anti-gay and anti-lesbian crimes, which was a 31% increase over the previous year.
  

WHY SHOULD THIS ISSUE BE TALKED ABOUT IN SCHOOLS?

• In a typical class of 30 students, 8 students (27% of the class) will be directly affected by homosexuality of self, one or more siblings, or one or both parents.
  

I have listed in my Resources column to the right-side of this blog page organisations that offer assistance and a place to go for answers and support.